Why did I not notice my own externalising?

How could I not see the mis-steps and my own pain entangling into yours my sisters? My kin.

When did I give in to the politics, the patriarchal damage limitations placed on our abilities and desires to write our own stories…

How did I not see it playing out in my own words and actions as I spiral down, down to the earth once more?

How did you not see it either? Most of All of my chosen kin, why did you not see my pain as I did not see yours?

But then… I remember

I’ve been here many lives, many times.

And falling to earth only ever hurts if you forget that we are of the earth.

The darkness nurtures us to look inwards and outwards.

When the silvery light touches my hurt, my anger at you, at me, at things I have no say or structure over

I remember. And it all dissipates as if it never was

I am me, and my purpose is to love, to bring balance and above all to guide myself ever forward.

And my hope is that in my doing so, you, my workplace kin, my sisters, my chosen place to spend my working life,

You may chose to walk with me once again.

I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.